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Why Are My Long Distance Relationship Feelings Fading?

When you feel your long distance relationship feelings fading, it’s a worrying sign. Is this the end of your relationship?

While feelings fading can happen with any couple, here are some reasons why it may be happening in your LDR:

  • Your “honeymoon phase” is ending
  • Your LDR routine is becoming too predictable
  • You don’t have an end in sight
  • The lack of physical contact is too much

Even though your feelings are fading, it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed.

You may also feel guilty that your feelings for your long distance partner are fading. Just remember—feeling this way doesn’t make you a bad person.

Constantly feeling passionate for your partner is rare, and being physically apart from them can have a chilling effect on your partnership.

Let’s go into more detail on the reasons why your long distance relationship feelings are fading.

1. The Honeymoon Stage Is Ending

couple

If you haven’t been together long and you start to feel your feelings fading, it may be that your honeymoon stage is ending.

When you first start a relationship, the initial euphoria is wonderful.

You’ll find yourself loving every part of that person—their habits, their mannerisms, their weird sense of humor.

You’re completely smitten with this person because, to you, they are—quite literally—perfect. You can’t fault them and you think that there’s absolutely no way this relationship can go wrong.

However, it’s hard to know absolutely everything about someone in the early stages of a relationship.

In these early days, you may simply not have enough time to be exposed to a person’s faults. (And we’re all human—no one is perfect.)

As you spend more time with your loved one, you may realize all those initial quirks and differences are…not quite as endearing as you once thought.

Irritation and conflict may start to rear their ugly heads once the honeymoon stage ends. And, at this time, you may also find yourself questioning the relationship. Your long distance relationship feelings are fading.

Ending a honeymoon stage is important, however. Very few relationships—if any—coast along on a constant giddy high of raw passion. 

If you feel your feelings fading and you think your honeymoon phase is over, see it as an opportunity to connect with your partner and navigate this hardship together.

If you can overcome it, you’ll be rewarded with an even stronger and resilient relationship.

2. Your LDR Routine Has Become Boring

black man lowering head sitting in front of laptop

A routine can help sustain a long distance relationship. It ensures that you both dedicate time to each other. A routine also helps maintain a regular connection between the two of you.

However, you may find that the routine is becoming…too routine. 

Your regular chats feel mundane, and you find that you aren’t engaging with each other as often as you did during the honeymoon phase.

When I was in my own long distance relationship, routine fatigue was a big source of guilt for me. Outside of talking about our days, there came a time when we just didn’t have anything else to say.

And on top of that, I wanted to spend more time with my friends, and more time on myself.

In our efforts to make the routine less boring, we tried mixing it up as often as we could. We did all sorts of activities to keep things interesting between us.

But sometimes, the scheduled calls day after day can feel like a grind. Some days, I felt my feelings fade.

How did I get around this?

There were two things that helped me overcome this issue.

First, I embraced the “boringness” of the routine, and just enjoyed my SO’s company. I realized that I didn’t need to constantly find new things to talk about. 

I didn’t feel like I wasn’t doing enough to keep the relationship constantly burning. It was enough just being with her.

This approach takes two—the other person should be on the same page. If you’re not sure…then ask! A strong relationship needs

Second, I set goals in the relationship. The biggest goal at the time (outside of reuniting) was saving up to go and visit her.

In-person visits were a sure fire way to rekindle those feelings and remind ourselves of why we were in an LDR in the first place.

3. There’s No End In Sight

woman sitting near white wooden door

Repeat after me—no relationship lasts forever over long distance.

There’s nothing wrong with starting a relationship having never met each other. Finding that special someone and being able to communicate with them regularly online is an amazing feeling. 

But a long distance relationship should only be used as a means to an end.

Relationships need a physical element that an online presence simply can’t fulfil. (At least, not now!)

If you want to make your long distance relationship work, you and your partner need to work towards an end date where you’re both living together.

If you don’t have an end date, you may feel like your relationship lacks direction and purpose. 

And if you’re not sure where your relationship is heading, that could be the cause of your feelings fading.

4. You Don’t See Each Other In Person Enough

couple love sitting evening

This may not apply to your situation, but in my case, it was a big deal.

At one point in my long distance relationship, my wife and I changed jobs. We didn’t have enough time off to visit each other.

On top of that, we didn’t have the savings to book flights. (Trans-Pacific flights add up!)

During that stretch of time, we were apart for 13 months.

And during that 13 months, I could sense my feelings fading as the helplessness of the situation weighed on us.

Thankfully, we were able to schedule a long overdue visit, and it was like all that time apart never even happened.

If it’s been a while since you’ve seen each other—or if you have never seen each other at all—and your feelings are fading, chances are that you’re hungry for their physical touch.

Is My Relationship Doomed?

In my opinion, I think that it’s a sign that your relationship is maturing.

You’re now realizing that your relationship isn’t absolutely perfect…and that’s okay.

When you can feel your long distance relationship feelings fading, it’s a great opportunity to move on from the initial giddiness of the honeymoon stage.

Take this time to look at your relationship in a more serious light. Is your partner really the one for you? Can you live and accept their faults and still have love for them?

If you feel comfortable, you can raise these concerns with your partner. Perhaps they feel the same way, or maybe they never realized it.

Am I A Bad Person For Feeling This Way?

depressed woman sitting in room

No, you’re not.

Before you start being too hard on yourself for letting your long distance relationship feelings fade, let me repeat—you’re not a bad person for thinking these thoughts.

Doubts in a relationship are normal. No relationship is 100% perfect and flawless.

Questioning a relationship is normal and healthy. It’s a way for you to reevaluate it, and take steps to make it even stronger.

Relationships are also complicated things. They’re not black and white, where it’s either completely smooth sailing or a field of red flags.

Relationships can be varying shades of grey, and your fading feelings may be a symptom of you realizing this.

Are These Feelings Temporary Or Will They Stay Forever?

Just as it’s not expected for you to feel passion for your partner 100% of the time, your faded feelings may not last forever, either.

Part of discovering whether these feelings are a phase, or the beginning of the end, is engaging in some self reflection.

Consider journaling your thoughts, talking with some trusted friends who respect your relationship, or even engaging in some counselling.

Taking the time to process your thoughts and emotions can give you the insight you need to make a decision on your relationship.

Getting an outsider’s opinion can also help you affirm your true feelings.

If you feel comfortable doing so, opening up to your LDR partner can also help you both process these emotions.

Communication is a vital part of any relationship, and being able to address and come to terms with these feelings is a huge step in strengthening your bond.