While searching online, I came across a question—What do guys want in a long distance relationship?
It struck me as an odd question. My first reaction was, “…exactly the same things we’d want in a local relationship!”
Snarkiness aside, I can see why someone would be worried. Anyone in a long distance relationship can feel insecure and wonder if their partner on the other side of the world is truly satisfied.
As that guy, I have my own take on what I wanted from my long distance relationship.
Every person is different, of course. I hope, however, these give you some idea of what your partner wants out of your LDR.
Thankfully after we reunited, my wife still gives me all these things (and I give them to her too). I recommend continuing to practice these well after you’re finally together!
1. Acknowledge My Feelings
During the COVID-19 pandemic, I was going through a bit of a rough patch. So, I took action and sought out a counsellor.
One thing he made me realise was that I was terrible at expressing my feelings. On top of that, I expected people to read my mind to know what I was feeling.
Deep down, I actually wanted others to know and acknowledge how I felt.
While my wife and I were doing long distance, I didn’t know how to express this properly. She, however, was able to masterfully sense how I was feeling. Just that act alone made me feel validated and seen.
When I expressed love and adoration to my partner, I wanted her to receive it with a grateful heart.
When I showed how much I wanted and needed them, I wanted her to match my passion and enthusiasm.
When I felt vulnerable and weak from the prolonged distance, I wanted her to empathise and offer support.
I wanted my partner to acknowledge my feelings for her, and I wanted to do the same for her.
2. Commit To The Relationship
When I entered my long distance relationship, I had one goal in mind—to find a way to bring us together.
At the time, I had no idea how that would happen or what that would look like. We both lived in different countries on the opposite sides of the world. Do I go there? Does she come here? Do we go and live somewhere else?
All I knew was that I wanted to take this seriously. I wanted us to eventually reunite and enjoy the rest of our lives in person.
I also wanted to know that my partner was in it for the same reasons I was.
If she was not as enthusiastic about everything, or if I was just there as an emotional outlet for her and she didn’t share the same goals as me, that would be devastating.
Whatever my goals are in the long distance relationship, I’d want to see my partner have the same goals too. I wanted her to work with me to make them happen.
3. Have An Open Mind
More than anything, I wanted us to be a “normal” couple.
I wanted to take her out on dates, move in together, see friends together, travel together…all that good stuff!
But that would all have to wait until our situation worked out.
I knew that she also wanted those things, and I loved that she kept an open mind about our LDR.
Since we didn’t have the luxury of being in the same city, we’d have to come up with unconventional ways to bond.
Anniversary dinners would need to be done over FaceTime, and birthdays would need to be virtual.
We’d also need to think of alternative date activities and other ways to stay connected.
It’d be a little weird, but I wanted her to embrace the weirdness with me until we could do “normal” together.
4. Give and Take In Equal Measure
A long distance relationship is a sacrifice for both people—in the short term and in the long term.
It’s not just enduring physical loneliness. We had to fund trips, pay for visas, and file paperwork. To top it off, in the end at least one of us had to move away from their home.
Personally, I was willing to make several sacrifices to prepare for our lives together. Everything from saving up money, to paying down debt, to digging into all the visa paperwork.
I wanted her to do the same, and she did. She put her own career aspirations on hold so that we’d have a stable start to our future. She even opted to have our wedding in my hometown instead of hers.
There were sacrifices made on both sides, and it showed me how much she wanted us to be together.
I wanted us to be giving and taking in equal measure as much as possible.
5. Trust In Me
Trust is essential in any relationship, let alone one marred by long distance.
I couldn’t force my partner to just blindly trust me in every single thing I did.
But what I did want from her was to trust me enough that she didn’t feel the need to constantly check in, track my phone, demand passwords, and monitor me 24/7.
Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration.
The point is—I’m in a long distance relationship, too! And if I’m willingly taking part in this thing, I clearly want to be with my partner in the end. I want her so much that I’m willing to spend months apart to enjoy years together.
And the trust isn’t just limited to “trusting that I won’t cheat”.
I also want her to trust that I’m willing to listen to what her needs are.
I don’t want my partner to keep things to herself in an effort to keep our LDR stable and drama-free.
I want to know what’s on her mind. I want her to trust that I want to hear what she has to say.