Being in a long distance relationship comes with its share of stresses and doubts, and you may be worried if your partner still loves you. You might be thinking, “Is everything okay?” “Are we still going strong?” “Do they still love me?”
Here are some good signs that your long distance partner loves you, and cares about you and your relationship:
- Making time for you
- Communicating regularly
- Open to discussing your future together
- Meeting as often as possible
- Willing to put in the effort to make it to the finish line
They make time for you
It can be all too tempting to just do your own thing and skip the Skype date. You might feel like making your own plans and going out. Perhaps you might want to have a gaming session with the crew. Or you want to work on that task list.
Your partner having their own life is important. But if they know how to balance that with quality time with you, that’s a strong sign of love.
If you can both work to make the most of your time with each other, that can make all the difference. It could be a quick Skype chat, or catching a couple of TV episodes together.
Set expectations, though. For me and my wife, we both understood that holidays like Christmas or Easter might keep us busy. On the other hand, if we did have the opportunity to sneak a few minutes in, we’d take it.
It’s difficult to make time to connect, given how busy we can be with work, family, and friends. However, being in a long distance relationship means that every minute of interaction is precious. Honoring that time with each other is a great sign of affection and respect.
Communication is regular and ongoing
Long distance or not, communication is an incredibly important part of any relationship.
However, for a long distance relationship, it’s especially important, since you lose out on the luxury of time and presence.
Missed catch up calls or lack of responses to messages can immediately raise red flags. Long droughts of communication, or stonewalling certain questions, can be even worse and are not a good sign. If the communication feels one-sided, that can be cause for concern as well.
If your partner communicates consistently with you and doesn’t leave you hanging, that’s a good sign they’re into you.
You both meet as often as you can
Travelling is hard – it takes time and money. It’s even more complicated with kids. And it’s especially difficult when you’re in an international long distance relationship. I can speak from experience; those trans-Pacific return flights really added up over the years!
However, meeting up regularly shows that you are willing to go that extra mile (zing!) and leave the comfort of your home to be with the one you love.
Of course, it should go both ways—your partner travelling to see you is an amazing sign of love. Plus, you can show off the place where you live! I loved introducing my wife to my favorite haunts, and do all the datey things in my city. (If you’ve just started doing long distance, it might be a good idea to start planning for a visit now.)
The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships claims that the average visit frequency for couples is 1.5 times a month. However, don’t fret if you’re not visiting each other that often. The longer the distance between you, the more difficult it is to travel. Travelling also takes time and money, and not everyone has easy access to both.
For us, we had to save regularly for our flights, since prices easily eclipsed $2,000 depending on the travel season. We’d have to wait 6 months, 9 months, or more until we had enough funds for a 2 week visit.
If your partner isn’t keen on travelling or interested in seeing you, it may be worth bringing up in conversation.
The key point is that you’re both making the effort to see each other whenever you can. Making that effort is a great expression of love.
You both aren’t afraid of discussing the future
Ah, yes: “The Talk”. It’s a trope in TV shows and movies. However, it’s actually very important for most serious relationships, and especially so for long distance partners.
Talking about how to close the distance and planning life after you’re together again is huge. It shows dedication and commitment to the relationship as a whole. It tells the other person, “Hey, I’m serious about this. I want to keep being with you. I’m willing to fight to be back together with you and keep us going.”
Don’t feel like you must plan your future down to the day, with wedding dates and all. (Although if that’s the best way you both work as a couple, go for it!)
If your partner doesn’t shy away from talking about where you both see yourselves years from now, and is willing to dream with you about how to get there, then that’s gold for your long distance relationship (and hopefully one step closer to closing the distance between the both of you).
You’re both open and honest
The one poison pill that can kill a long distance relationship dead is lack of trust.
One sign that your partner has love and respect for you is that they have no problem telling you what’s on their mind. They’re willing to be open and honest about their feelings and thoughts.
That’s not to say that they have to tell you where they are or what they’re doing every waking minute of the day. Respecting your partner’s right to privacy and managing the flow of communication is important, because smothering them with messages and phone calls can quickly build resentment. They have a right to their lives as much as you have a right to yours.
However, hiding feelings and intentions or abusing the other’s trust are obviously definite no-nos.
If your partner is comfortable with revealing their true feelings, and is willing to engage in open heartfelt dialogue, that shows a level of deep trust and love.
You both make it work
When things go wrong in a long distance relationship, it can be devastating.
Originally, my wife and I were talking about where to settle, and at one point I was quite confident that her moving to Sydney would be the best outcome for us. I already had a fairly good job, I was about to buy an apartment, and I felt that we’d have a good quality of life.
However, her mother had been diagnosed with cancer, and it was not improving.
My wife was overcome with guilt over leaving her mother behind to fight this illness by herself. Just like that, our plans were shattered.
That still didn’t stop us from trying to make it work!
I knew that it’d be comparatively more difficult for us to get started in the US. But I wanted to be with her again, and she was committed to making it easy for me to transition to my new life overseas. (It also helped that I’m a pretty stubborn guy!)
I’ve since been here for over a year, and she is still committed to helping me adjust to my new life here. She also has the peace of mind of being able to go and check in on her mother whenever she needs.
Things can (and will) go wrong in your long distance relationship, and it may not all be smooth sailing. But if your long distance partner is willing to bear through those hard months or years, and commit to making it work, that’s a strong sign that they love you.
You can feel it in your gut
Sometimes you don’t need a blog to tell you that your partner loves you!
Chances are that you already know if your partner has love for you in this crazy situation. You might see it in their face on a video call, or through a cute random message you receive throughout the day, or through a soft pause in your conversation.
That unspoken dialogue that runs between the two of you can speak volumes. It can echo in your head and heart, reaffirming the fact that they truly do love you, despite the miles between.
Of course, there can be small doubts. If they persist and linger in your thoughts, it may be better to voice them and seek reassurance.
But sometimes you just know in your gut that they do love you. And that’s pretty dang special.