When you’re apart from your SO, you might be wondering how to make him feel special in a long distance relationship.
You’re in luck—I was “the guy” in my own LDR, so I have some good info to share!
It was sad being apart from my girlfriend for months at a time. Luckily, she did a great job of making me feel like I was the most important guy in her life.
In this post, I want to provide more meaningful suggestions from my own experience.
Sending a random flirty text and being spontaneous are fine ideas, but it’ll take more than that to truly make him feel special in your long distance relationship.
And, of course, you can take these suggestions and use them to make your female SO feel special, too.
With that said, let’s get into it!
1. Figure Out What He Responds To
It’s true—not all guys are the same.
Every person has different needs and reacts positively to different actions.
If you’ve been together for a while, you may have a good idea of what makes him tick and what he responds well to.
If not, then it may take a bit of discovery and trial-and-error before you know what makes him feel special.
We’ve mentioned it before (and you’ve probably heard it a thousand times) but the 5 Love Languages is a great starting point for figuring out what appeals most to your partner.
Your partner will appreciate you speaking one or several of these languages, whether it’s:
- giving gifts,
- performing acts of service,
- spending quality time,
- offering words of affirmation, or
- physical touch.
For me, I respond best to words of affirmation, spending quality time, and physical touch.
My SO was great at telling me she loved me in a variety of different ways—whether over text, with photos, or physical mail.
She also made time to hang out with me, and made it a priority in her day.
Of course, physical touch was the most difficult love language to satisfy!
The most straight-forward way of satisfying our need for physical touch was making sure we visited each other as often as we could—time and finances permitting, of course!
Touch bracelets are another way to simulate physical touch and let him know you’re thinking of them. These weren’t around when we did our own LDR, but I certainly wish we had them.
2. Be There For Him
Depending on your boyfriend’s personality, he may be struggling on the other side of this long distance relationship.
Not being able to see his girlfriend whenever he wants may bring up feelings of inadequacy and helplessness.
Your boyfriend may also be dealing with his own insecurities about not being in a “real” relationship.
Of course, you both know this relationship is real. However, being around others who may question and criticize can be fatiguing.
Not having a good support network can also make things harder.
In my case, it took me a long time before I had a good support network for my LDR.
Luckily, my SO was a constant source of support. She would hear out my concerns, and empathize with my worries and feelings.
Throughout the relationship, we both supported and leaned on each other to make it through to the end.
Being a dependable and loving partner will do wonders in making him feel special in this relationship.
3. Make The Schedule Work For Both Of You
If you’re in a long distance relationship, you’ve probably set up a schedule where you can both catch up and spend some quality time together.
Depending on your guy’s personality, he may approach this in different ways.
If he’s the kind of person that is punctual, orderly, and expects to talk exactly at a set time, do your best to make that happen.
Of course, things can come up and plans change. However, if consistency is important to him, then respecting that consistency will make him feel special.
On the other hand, if he prefers to play it loose and be a bit spontaneous, go with the flow.
I personally like to have a good idea of when we can chat, as I can plan my day around those times (and my SO can do the same).
However, there’s something to be said for a nice surprise conversation to perk up your otherwise boring, routine day.
When I was doing long distance, my SO knew that I would always look forward to our set chats.
There were times when she would quietly step away from her own social events to check in and say a quick “I love you” when we would normally chat.
(It’d make me feel bad for her to step away, but she insisted it was important for her, too!)
Knowing that she took the time to make the schedule work for us made me feel super special. It gave me that special feeling that our time took priority in her life.
4. Follow His Interests
If your partner has a hobby, you can brighten his day by following along and keeping up with what he’s up to.
At the same time, you can also deepen your connection to him as you learn more about what’s important in his life.
Showing genuine interest in his hobbies can make him feel special, and give him an opportunity to share something with you while you’re both apart.
Offer him the space to share his passion and teach what he knows. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, or give feedback if asked.
Want to score more partner points? Taking that next step and joining in will engage him even more, and make him feel extra special.
In my case, I love gaming whenever I have the time. Even though my partner wasn’t into playing games, she loved watching them.
While we were apart, she’d ask me what I was playing, and I was more than happy to describe what I was into at the time.
Sometimes I would stream or record my gameplay for her, complete with my own commentary. She got a kick out of watching me play and hearing my voice at the same time.
I felt special knowing that she had some interest in the things I enjoyed doing.
5. Keep The Sexual Spark Alive
Unfortunately, you both can’t be there for each other to satisfy your physical desires.
But no matter if you’re apart or together, there’s nothing more exciting for a guy to receive an intimate photo, text, or video from their girlfriend that is made especially for them.
As long as it’s within your boundaries and comfort level, you can certainly make your partner feel extra special with a private message.
One way of making it truly special is by setting up a separate app or account that only he can access. Seeing the notification come up for that particular app will immediately associate it with you, and he will be all too keen to see what you’ve sent him.
If you want to make a particularly exciting date, set some time aside for both of you and have a live, intimate session with each other.
Use whatever toys or props you feel comfortable with, and follow his lead, or put on a show.
6. Send Him Things He Can Touch And Feel
Sending your partner physical things they can touch and feel is an important part of bonding over long distance.
It also helps your partner to feel special when they receive something you’ve put together.
Some ideas include:
- writing personal notes,
- making a care package,
- creating some artwork, or
- even sending something as simple as a letter or a postcard.
In my long distance relationship, my SO would regularly send postcards to me. Over the course of our relationship I built up folders of postcards.
It was wonderful seeing my partner’s handwriting in person. I also loved holding it in my hands, knowing that she chose the postcard and went to the effort of writing and mailing it to me.
Finally, while you can certainly send your partner something from their Amazon wish list…preparing it yourself and adding your own personal touch can make it truly special for him.
Wear items that represent him
My SO would regularly try and find items related to Australia (my home country).
T-shirts, necklaces, bracelets from Etsy—anything to remind her of me.
We also bought matching necklaces before we started long distance, and I saw it around her neck every day, on every video call.
Whenever I saw these items, it told me that she held me in a very special place in her heart.
7. Plan For The Future
All long distance relationships must end, and it isn’t an easy journey.
I can’t speak for every guy, but I’d venture to say that he wants to end this long distance relationship as much as you do.
And while you can’t be with him right this minute…putting in the effort to figure out how this will end, and where you will both be at the end of this crazy journey will show how invested you are in the relationship.
Depending on his personality, he may want to be very hands on and get involved in the planning right from the start.
If that’s the case, be open with your research, be ready to talk about all your options, and brace yourself for some difficult discussions.
On the other hand, he may not want to deal with any of this at all.
If so, then follow his pace.
Figure out what he wants for himself and for your future life together. He may have his own goals and plans—respecting and acknowledging them will make him feel heard and seen.
In the end, show that you care deeply about (eventually) being with him in person and in the same room.
To me, that was the most special part of my own LDR: my partner ultimately really wanted us to be together.
Feeling her passion for that during all of our video calls gave me the energy I needed to see it through.