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How Do I Convince My Long Distance Boyfriend To Move?

So you and your long distance boyfriend are trying to reunite, but you just can’t see yourself leaving your home. How do you convince your long distance boyfriend to leave?

Maybe your boyfriend has his own reasons for not wanting to move to you.

It’ll take a lot of discussion, some tears, and ultimately some sacrifice so the two of you can have your happily ever after. Figuring out who moves in a long distance relationship is a tough decision.

Here are some things to consider when trying to convince your long distance boyfriend to move.

1. Be Open To Discussing His Concerns

multiethnic couple sitting in park

Your long distance relationship is still a partnership, and his concerns and worries are just as valid as yours.

You may not want to leave your home, your family, or your friends, but the alternative is that he has to leave his. Listen to his reasons. 

Even though he says that it’s okay, be open and receptive to any worries he may have about committing to doing something like this.

Be prepared to discuss some kind of compromise, such as moving to a halfway point between your homes, or agreeing to move after a certain period of time (for instance, after one of you finishes school).

2. Does It Make Sense For Him To Move?

blue travel luggage

Before trying to convince your boyfriend to move, you should consider whether that move makes sense for both of you as a couple.

Which city or town has the most opportunity and growth?

Will your boyfriend be able to move to your city, land on his feet, and lead a fulfilling life outside of your relationship? Will you be able to do the same in his city?

Is he able to speak the language if he moves? If not, is he willing to learn?

Do either of you have any dependents that you need to take care of? What happens to them if either of you move?

When you talk with your boyfriend, talk through all the points and see if it makes sense for him to move to you in the first place. You may discover that it would work out better the other way around.

3. Give Reasons Why You Need To Stay Put

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If you have a good reason for not moving, it can make your case more convincing.

Perhaps you have dependents that no one else can take care of, or you may have visa or immigration issues that prevent you from moving to their country.

In my case, that was what convinced me to move.

Even though I had the potential to support us both and had a place of my own to share with her, I chose to move to my SO because her mom was extremely ill and needed a caretaker.

If you have needs that go beyond simply “not wanting to move”, then you need to be honest with your boyfriend and share them.

4. Sell The Positives Of Your Home

black steel lamp post

If you want to convince your boyfriend to come, highlighting the good points of your home can sweeten the deal for him.

If he’s career-oriented, consider researching jobs and companies for his field in your area, and see what the employment outlook is like. If it’s trending upwards, that could be a plus for him.

You could also see how your home can fit into his current lifestyle. Does he have hobbies or interests that can be further developed in your area?

If you have similar interests, you can teach your boyfriend about the great things you can do together—whether it’s hiking, art, or nightlife.

Don’t simply sell the idea of “finally being together”—you can both do that in his home, too.

5. Figure Out If The Finances Make Sense

businessman man people woman

Moving is expensive, scary, and difficult.

Apart from moving belongings and plane/train tickets, immigration costs can really add up if you live in separate countries.

You may want to compare immigration costs between each of your countries if you’re both on a budget.

Cost of living is also important. Is it more expensive to live in one country over another? Which one can you both comfortably afford?

(If you’re looking for other things to consider when moving, check out my guide to moving overseas.)

If you’re still living at home…

If your boyfriend hasn’t met your family, don’t assume that they will be okay with living with your family. 

Now, everyone’s situation is different—it might work out, and it might not.

However, it’s still a risk for him. Asking him to go from “I haven’t met your family” to “I have to live under the same roof as them” is asking a lot.

Don’t assume it’ll all “just work out”!

6. Remember To Make The Decision Together

man hugging woman while holding umbrella

I’ve said it earlier, but it bears repeating—you’re in a partnership.

Trying to convince him to do something he doesn’t want to do will only result in resentment.

In my situation, I willingly chose to relocate, and even I go through some hardships from time to time as a result of my move.

While you’re trying to convince your long distance boyfriend to move, don’t forget to do what’s best in the interest of your relationship.

You’ve both chosen to do long distance together, which is a huge challenge. You can work together to close the distance, too!