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Am I Losing Feelings For My Long Distance Partner?

Losing feelings for your partner can happen. In a long distance relationship, you might be unsure if those feelings are genuine or not. The dynamics can really change when you’re both not in the same room.

The following list might indicate fading feelings for your LDR partner:

  • Communication feels like a chore
  • The future doesn’t excite you
  • You realize your values and goals differ to your partners
  • Everything your partner does bothers you
  • You no longer feel supported by them
  • Deep down, you already know the answer

Communication feels like a chore

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It’s normal for the shine to wear off a relationship over time, and chatting with your partner can be less exciting as time goes on.

However, if you find yourself feeling meh towards your scheduled calls with your partner, or if you’re putting off responding to your partner’s texts a little too often, then that may be a sign your feelings aren’t as strong as they once were.

Communication in a long distance relationship is especially important since it’s pretty much all you have. Yes, it’s important to not overdo it, but putting it off entirely is not healthy for an LDR.

If it feels like it’s too much effort to respond to their texts, or if you just don’t enjoy talking with them anymore, you need to voice these concerns to them and explain why you might be feeling this way.

Maybe you both just need to reevaluate how you communicate with each other. A change in frequency or deciding on a different method could work wonders.

On the flip side, if it feels like you’re just sending messages into a void, or your partner keeps putting off your upcoming Skype call, that can sour your feelings for the relationship too.

Again, if that happens, you need to open up about how your interactions feel like a one-way street. Tell them how important it is for you to stay in touch with them.

The future doesn’t excite you

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If you’re not excited about your future together, that can put a damper on your feelings.

One reason you may not be excited is because you don’t have an end date for the distance.

Putting yourself through a constant limbo of telling yourself “when is this going to end?” is not a good time. If you’re staying with someone in a long distance relationship without the possibility of ever reuniting, chances are you may be harboring some second thoughts about the whole thing. 

The same applies if you do have an end date in mind, but you’re just not excited about getting there. Maybe your partner has placed heavy expectations on what you need to do to be together again. Or, you might be worried that they’re not as enthusiastic about reuniting.

Reflect on why you’re not excited about what the future holds for you and your partner. Think about what you want to accomplish, and how that aligns with their goals as well.

Moving away from your home

If you’re moving, you’re making a big sacrifice to be with them again. You may be doing it just to close the distance, but deep down you may not want to give up your social circle, family, and life. That resentment can certainly dull the passion for your relationship and cause you to question your feelings.

It’s normal to grieve in this situation, and this feeling doesn’t necessarily mean you’re losing feelings for them. It just means that you’re mourning your departure from your established life.

Confession time: there was a time when I even missed the distance after we reunited. It’s crazy, I know! I kind of missed the alone time, the routine, and the comfort of that situation. After all, we’d done it for so many years.

Also, when I had to relocate, there were a lot of adjustments I had to get used to. It wasn’t just about learning to drive on the other side of the road, either! It was adjusting to a different culture, and a whole new thought space shared by everyone around me. It was stressful, and there were times when my relationship was definitely not on my mind.

However, the fact that I was with my wife again really helped to bring me back and encouraged me to soldier on.

If the prospect of being with your long distance partner doesn’t light a fire in you, you’ll need to reflect on why that is. As always, communicating openly with your partner about your feelings is key to resolving them.

You realize your goals and values are different to your partner’s

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This can happen in any relationship, long distance or not.

You may find that you may be outgrowing your partner. You both might just be heading in different life directions.

Perhaps one of you isn’t ready to settle down just yet, whereas the other wants to lay down roots. Maybe one of you wants to really progress your career or grow a business, while the other wants to travel and explore the world.

You might see the differences as you chat more often. I’m a believer that long distance amplifies everything, and that includes a person’s character. When there’s not much to do but talk, you’ll find out almost everything you want to know about someone. Sometimes, you might not fully like what you hear.

So if you don’t feel the same spark as you once did before starting this long distance relationship, it could just be that you’ve realized you’re both in different places in your lives, or you simply don’t share the same values as you thought you once did.

Everything your partner does bothers you

Credit: Andrea Piacquadio

Early in the relationship, your partner might have done things that you saw as endearing. After some time, you might now be seeing them as annoyances at best, and downright flaws at worst.

If you no longer think that the random 2 a.m. message is cute, or you find yourself losing patience with the constant impromptu phone calls…you might be feeling like you’re over this situation.

Keep in mind that it might just be their behaviors at the time that are bothering you. These can possibly be fixed if you tell them how you feel. 

However, if you feel that everything they do is grating on your nerves and affecting you on a deeper emotional level that makes you feel disconnected from the relationship, it doesn’t do you any good to avoid rocking the boat by keeping it to yourself.

You no longer feel supported by them

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Long distance relationships are a balancing act of giving and receiving support.

Sometimes you’re the one in a bad place and are feeling the weight of the situation. Other times, your partner might be the one facing a lot of family pressure or problems at work.

Since you can’t physically be there for each other, being emotionally available for them is important.

But if your partner isn’t willing to get down into the weeds with you to help you with any struggles you’re facing, that can put a damper on your feelings for them.

Of course, if your partner is facing bigger problems in their life, you may need to exercise some patience with them and lend some support of your own. But if it all feels like a one-way street, that can take a toll on your feelings for them.

Deep down, you already know the answer

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You may not like it, but you may already know in your heart how you truly feel about this relationship.

For me, there were plenty of times when I really struggled with the distance. During daylight saving hours, I had to stay in throughout the early morning hours so I could talk with her. I’m a person that gets cranky with no sleep, so that made me irritable.

At one point, I was also in a really bad job. It made me less enthusiastic about responding to every text my partner sent.

However, deep down in my gut, I knew that I still loved her very much, and I didn’t want it to end. Throughout the years, the love we had for each other and the dreams we had for the future were always there.

If you’re struggling to find those feelings day after day, the kindest option is to open up and let your partner know.